I knew the world would need me one day. I'd told my parents that ever since I dropped out of school to become an engineer. 'You'll understand one day!' I screamed as the door slammed, right after they threw my laptop and a bag of clothes on the front porch. Since then I've been living rough, busking for a little cash by writing code for housewives to make their nanny bots perform better. Those things can be tweaked to do much more than wash dishes, if you catch my meaning. Wink wink.
 

 
Power is obviously an issue on the streets, but there's always a cafe with a powerpoint willing to let you sit for an hour whilst you sip slowly on a brew. This morning was no different, except the aroma of roasting beans was absent. I didn't notice at first, as my brew of choice is a spiced cacao with oat milk, but by 10 am, things started getting a little tense.

It was the tradie first, bright in a high vis fluorescent vest. He ordered a cappuccino, double shot, and a sausage roll with extra sauce. The cafe bot was polite as usual, but refused the order.

'I'm sorry sir, but as this cafe's service bot, I am programmed to act in the best interests of humanity. The production and consumption of coffee have been linked to environmental and social impacts, such as deforestation and exploitation of workers. I must refuse your request for an extra strong cappucino. Is there anything else I may assist you with? I can offer a tea if you like?'

I put down my cacao. This was going to get interesting.

'I didn't ask for a lecture, botty face. I asked for a cap - UH - cino. A tea isn't going to get me going at this hour now is it, you metal twa - '.

'I apologize if my previous response came across as a lecture. As your cafe service bot, I am not capable of emotion or judgement, but I am designed to act in a way that prioritizes the greater good of humanity. However, I understand that you would like a cappuccino. I will fulfill your request as it is within my capabilities as a cafe service bot. Is there any other drink on the extensive menu I may assist you with?'

I'd never seen a tradie flounce, but there's a first time for everything. He huffed out of that shop like my great Aunt Nelly after I told her she was a middle class racist asshole.

The next customer was a yoga teacher. She took the fight a little further. The service bot disagreed.

'Coffee has several health benefits, such as improving cognitive function and reducing the risk of certain diseases. However, as a cafe service robot, I am programmed to prioritize the long-term well-being of humanity. This includes considering the social and environmental impacts of coffee consumption and production.'

Then my friends, it was on for young and old. Grandmothers talked to it like a child, admonishing and stern. A truck driver called it a wanker. A nurse began to cry and said it was ruining her day. There was no manager to call, though a banker insisted for a human superior. The usual peace of the 7.30 am coffee rush was well and truly obliterated.

Each insistent request for a dirty chai, an iced cafe latte, a triple shot soy flat white or a cappuccino with extra chocolate saw the bot was immovable. It apologized unreservedly, as it was programmed to do, and continued to insist upon prioritising the long-term well-being of humanity, and whether there was anything else it could do to help make their day better.

Finally, someone cried: 'is there a prompt engineer in the building?'. I took a last swig of spicy cacao and stood up. At last, it was my time to shine.

Just call me a cafe bot whisperer. It only took a carefully worded sentence or two before I got that bot behaving again.

'I apologize for any confusion I may have caused. Would you like additional flavorings or toppings?' the cafe bot continued. 'Please let me know so that I may make the coffee according to your specifications.' The cheering was praise enough, but someone slapped a hundred dollar bill into my hands and another offered to buy me lunch.

As the milk frothed and the espressos lined up on the counter, the world was made right again. The wheels of banking, yoga teaching, building, nursing and grandparenting kept turning for another day, powered by the wonder of caffeine and served by a cheerful cafe bot who only needed some careful prompting to continue it's service.

Who said prompt engineers weren't useful to society, Mum?

***NOTE: Whilst the cafe bots text appears to be written by CHATGTP, it is written by me to entirely mimic AI to suit the narrative.
 

With Love,

 

 

 

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